a day at the beach

one day you yelled loudly at your mother
we wanted to collect those shells on the beach
with your puppy
she wanted you to
come home, it was getting dark
“no!” you screamed, “I’d rather die!”
and threw yourself into the water, face down
floating.
your father fished you out of the foamy
darkness, all wet and sandy
and loud and threw you into the car
and your mother smiled
the saddest smile I have ever seen.

today, I went to see you for the final time
a week after your brother discovered you with a
heart attack.
your grandfather is crying in the second row
wearing a three piece black suit with
a red flower in his pocket
while your mother smiles.